Monday, August 7, 2017

Why am I doing this?

Why did I leave my family in the Tri-Cities to take a job that doesn't pay enough? Why am I busting my ass to learn something that is outside of my natural abilities and that I may never master? Why am I forcing my wife to endure so much ridicule because of my choices?

Who do I become at the end of this journey? What does my family get as a result of taking this road? What treasures are at the bottom of this cave?

So far I have learned indifference. I can ask for something without wanting it. Desire is a powerful quality, but it always ends in fire and destruction. Work without desire, work for its own sake, breeds mastery. I cannot master a task if I desire a certain outcome from it. Once I have that outcome, the task will lose its savor.

But if I do master this, I become master of my income and thus master of my time. When I can work when I want to, I can give Amanda everything she deserves.

Therefore, I enter the marathon of mastery.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

On Becoming a Wizard: Part One

My Dear Apprentice,

The secret about magic is that it is within you. In fact, it always has been. Your inability to access it has nothing to do with an artifact or incantation, but is evidence that you are not yet whole. Perhaps whole is the wrong word, because it is not as though you are incomplete. Certainly all of you is in you; rather, I might say, you are not yet exposed.

Like the rarest gem, your essence is buried beneath the rubble of generations. Therein lies the secret to wielding magic. Begin digging, unearthing your true self and discarding the refuse. In some ways, it is less a process of doing than it is of undoing. Undoing the abuse settled within your bones, inherited from your ancestors; the pain held onto by your fathers and mothers inflicted over generations by captors, slave-drivers, empires and armies. Your parents passed it on to you. Now it is your duty to pass it no further, but to change your family's history.

Fear is a part of the journey, but do not be afraid.

In Truth,

Zy the Ignitable

Data Junky

I have been obsessed with finding new information and new ways to explain what I'm experiencing. In the process I lose my ability to see the reality of my situation. I get so mired in the depths of new answers that I can no longer tell what answer I would actually need.

The truth is that I don't need new answers. I don't need some magic solution. What I need is to face my own emotions, habits, processes, weaknesses and strengths, and direct them toward self-actualizing goals. As I have become stuck in the data and anxiety of experts and my family, and even ancestors, it becomes necessary to recognize and eliminate it. I need to become aware of those things which are not me, not of my true self, and starve them. Thus I can feed who I am and create place for truth.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Bearing witness

It is a type of watching; but a warching that carries a burden. A watching so present, curious and aware that it illuminates the subject being watched. Does it make a difference as a witness to be looking for something? Or is it more necessary to be lost in the moment? I realize that this is all great coaches do. They shine the light on what is important. Its up to the person being coached to follow that vision.

Nothing truly exists without a witness? What is the importance of witnessing? Its possible that witnessing is all there really is. We go through our life witnessing the extraordinary events taking place in our lives. We can either show up or not. We can tell ourselves a story about what we are doing or we can show up and be present in it.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Unicorn Hunt

So, you have endeavored the quest for the fabled unicorn? I take it you know the fruits of this journey then? Immortality is not a reward so easily won. You see, the trick of hunting the Unicorn is that there is only ever one. Her magic disguises her, and she will not come out but for the truly committed. Many men have attempted to take her fruits by force or cunning, but they are not then truly won and he is left with nothing but ashes in the end.

The love of a woman can only be considered as rare and precious as the hunt of a Unicorn. And the gift of posterity is the closest thing to immortality that exists. It is the continuation of your name, and if you have endeavored to earn the love of your children's mother, then you will be a man well-remembered for generations.

The true love of a woman is not easily won as Disney would have you believe. Many have found themselves with the affection of their brides, and yet discovered too late that they did not truly have her love. Often, it takes years of effort to finally and totally win her heart... perhaps even a lifetime.

For the pure in heart, the most difficult part of this journey is finding the fabled one. Often, like Frodo leaving the Shire, the prospect of stepping foot into unknown realms seems the most daunting task. Preparation can continue indefinitely, amassing wealth, weapons, provisions and allies, using "not enough" as an excuse to never start.

There are are few clues to aid you in where to search. The most effective guide is your heart. You will find enchanted places that bring you to life. It is your vulnerable, confident liveliness that will lure the mystic creature from hiding. When you find that enchantment, your spark or passion, you must then find a way to bring it with you every step of your journey, that you might draw her out.

Once your lure is in place, however, you must guard against it being stolen; for your lure is your heart and to be so vulnerable puts you at risk. The way to guard is to never forget your quest. If you remember that you are in search of the One Unicorn whose gift, when freely offered, will grant you immortality, then every rejection and distraction along the way will simply be one more step closer to your goal.

Your joyful task begins once you have found her and won her trust. Until then, search in faith good traveller.

Monday, March 6, 2017

Demonsbane

Confidence that is eroded by self-deprecating thoughts cannot be conquered through sheer will. Rather, a structure must be put in place. To begin slaying your demons you must be prepared.

First, you must don your armor. Armor is a barrier from the crippling blows. Self-deprecating thoughts require a separation from those thoughts. Mindfulness meditation is the necessary armor to create distance and be unaffected by the onslaught of hatred. Find a Focus, and then watch the thoughts that come between you and that Focus. Breath is the simplest one. When you get distracted from it, simply come back to your breath when you notice.

Next, you require a weapon. What can you use to fight back against evil thoughts? How are you going to stab at the heart of the wicked demon trying to conquer your soul? Your weapon is mantra. However, no one can give you this weapon; you must select your weapon for yourself. In fact, you must stand at the forge and form it with hammer and tongs, imbue it with your very identity, and be ready with it always. Your weapon should be comfortable for you, whether a battle ax used to cleave demon skull in a single fell swoop, "ENOUGH!" Or a rapier to deftly humiliate your attacker with grace and panache, "I am not my thoughts."

As you employ these mantras over time you may find that you or your enemy have outgrown your original weapon, and it is time to craft a new one. My first weapon was a Morningstar. Somewhat difficult to wield swiftly and accurately, but devastating when it struck home: "You are a Son of God." Now, I have grown in strength, but so have my demons, and so I've forged a halberd. It's a simple weapon with added knockout capabilities to keep my enemy wary for weeks: "I thank thee Father for this breath." (Spoken on an exhale.)

These weapons and armor require upkeep to remain effective against the Wicked Hunger that threatens to consume all of us. Daily practice is the surest way to avoid being taken unawares.

Fortunately, there are enchantments to be employed in this battle between darkness and light. These enchantments are gained through a kind of alchemy. Combining element, potion and energy to enable your efforts to be imbued with a mystic power that can not only vanquish your demons, but can then be used to empower your fellow travelers on the Hero's Journey. There is a constant magical balance in the mental realm that can be shifted in your favor by affecting its source. There are destructive energies and positive ones. Feed yourself positive energies. Diet and exercise can go a long way to aiding your battle against the onslaught.

In addition, much of the destructive magic feeding your demons comes from choked off, stifled energy that needs release. Let it out through your body, and the balance of magic will tip in your favor, giving your weapon doubly devastating damage.

The fight is on. These demons are threatening to take over your whole life; to suck the love and joy from every moment. The last thing is a simple truth: we were never meant to fight alone. Reach out to a loved one, or even a professional if necessary. If you would like my help, send me a message at derekjw75@gmail.com

Friday, March 3, 2017

Wife Coaching pt 1: Trust

Today in practicing some coaching skills with Amanda, I was able to zone in on a questions-only process that became very helpful for understanding her and uncovering her thoughts and feelings. It's not about my ideas, it's about her feelings.

In addition, an exercise and observation that was useful was that, as an extrovert, she has very little connection with her own body; however, she is able to relate to looking at herself and the way the world looks to her. So that was useful. What I said was, "Imagine you are looking at yourself in a mirror. What do you look like? What about your eyes?" Or if she is in a certain feeling, "what does the world look like now?" As I asked her to think of a time when she is trusting vs when she is not; she said that the world looks more cruel and harsh when she is mistrusting and manipulative (playing a game), but it looks brighter and more hopeful when she is trusting.

When I asked her what she truly wants, she said she ultimately wanted to be able to be happy without having to make them happy as well. She doesn't want that pressure on her anymore.

The connection I see is that she doesn't trust them to make themselves happy, so she has to do it for them. She remembers a time when she did trust them, and it was free. However, it also led to her getting hurt worse than she's ever been. How can I show her that living with trust and knowledge can lead to freedom and happiness? And Greater service to all? (Which is all she really wants anyways)